should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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