i need an iv and a liver transplant
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
