with your own penis?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
