My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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