I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I would fuck him just for his dog
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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