I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
