I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
