I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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