Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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