Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
