you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize