just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I understand Curling. That high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
