Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
