if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Buhtt sex?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
