ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
