And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
