I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
