tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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