Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
