It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
