I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
