Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
