I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
