i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize