She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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