would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
