my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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