I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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