Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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