You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How does it feel to date your dad?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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