This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
