Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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