apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
