last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
