I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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