mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
