i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if only i could text you this smell
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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