i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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