So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
