Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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