the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
