First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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