The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I could fuck to npr.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
