is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
