I forgot how hot balto sounded
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
