Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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