It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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