The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He felt like a one man threesome
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think my moral compass just broke
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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