yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
