Life is so much better after having sex.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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