SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
