doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
