I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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