I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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