We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
