I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
