I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She told me I should be a condom model.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize