The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
