The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You smell like stripper and shame
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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