haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Define "chronic" masturbator.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
