Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
