Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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