So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
