Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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