Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
